Half a Decade of Dating Apps

What is everyone’s opinion on dating apps? Raise your hand if you genuinely enjoy the process of meeting random strangers and then ghosting each other or having things fizzle out after a handful of dates or meeting someone who’s pretty darn terrible. *sharp inhale* Anyone?

To be honest, some people I know have truly enjoyed the experience. They like the free meals and drinks, the lack of commitment to anyone in particular, the different people they meet, and the process of figuring out what they are really looking for. And I have just…never been in this camp. Yes, I’ve had fun dates. Yes, I’ve solidified a few deal-breakers and top priorities for a significant other. But overall enjoyment? Nope.

One of the many problems with dating apps (which I’m sure has been discussed in millions of articles) is the feeling that you don’t owe anyone much of anything, whether that be a final text stating “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but this isn’t going to work out” or, like, basic human decency. And I’ve been on both sides of this. Dating apps, I believe, have made us more cynical and less concerned with other people’s feelings. The first (and second and third and fourth) time we’re ghosted, the more we feel entitled to do the same to someone else. Because “everyone does it.”

There’s also this underlying feeling that both people involved are surely talking to other people. So, they’ll just find someone else to talk to, right? But with each new dating experience handled in a less-than-ideal way, the more prone we are to this behavior. It’s like a vicious cycle that no one is too concerned with breaking.

One of the most depressing aspects of dating app swiping is seeing all. The same. Men. For years. While I’ve been off and on the apps a dozen or so times, with months-long breaks in between, all these men are still there. “There he is again,” I say to myself as I swipe for the tenth time on someone. Surely, this indicates that the whole thing isn’t working. We keep swiping and swiping and swiping to no avail.

I recently watched a few videos and read a few articles about dating apps. The whole topic is pretty fascinating. I listened to a discussion about the bizarrely high cost of not-so-great perks on these apps, which made we wonder who is actually paying for these “upgrades.” As soon as capitalism became so intrinsically involved in dating–which arguably has been the case forever, but I digress–the more warped the whole thing has become. Other articles discuss just how lopsided the stats are, with far more men than women on every single dating app. I suppose most of us wouldn’t like to learn how the sausage is really made.

So, I don’t know. I guess this was a roundabout way of saying that I’m back on dating apps and not having a ~great~ time. But I’m trying to stay as positive as possible, and in the meantime, I’m happy by myself with my independence. I feel the most like myself when I’m focusing on things other than dating, but I’ll just be over here trying to stay sane while occasionally swiping.